Realisation

I'm in the thick of it.
I'm genuinely waiting for you to arrive.
Can I really let you in tonight,
Knowing we were almost together forever?
We were so close to taking vows,
To agreeing to make it lifelong.
To sharing genes and leaving a legacy.

We ripped it apart.
We saw the clouds gather,
Ran in opposite directions.
How, then, does that make this ok?
How does it leave me, here, waiting,
While you drink your drinks, flirt your flirts,
And end up back inside me?

Am I stupid or clever?
Is this me using what control I know I have
To bring you back to intimacy and remind you?
Am I satisfying that carnal urge,
To hunt man and make him mine?
Or am I the idiot, who thinks they can handle it,
While you use me because you know you can.